So this is Goodbye?
by Miss P
Summary: Booth’s sure there’s something terribly wrong with Bones. But will she tell him before it’s too late?
1. Chapter 1

**So this is Goodbye?**

_By Miss P  
_

_Summary: Booth's sure there's something terribly wrong with Bones. But will she tell him before it's too late?  
_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Bones…_

**_Authors Note: Now you're probably wondering why I'm not updating "The Dark room", but I will, I promise, it's just that I have no idea of what to write… so I wanted to do something sad in the meantime, hope you'll like this… if I've succeeded, it'll be really sad… _**

_Part one of four._

**Chapter One**

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I brought it up again today; she claimed there was nothing, just like all the other times. Maybe I'm stupid who doesn't let this go, but the feeling of that there's something wrong is so strong. I've even had dreams about it. It's late but I can't sleep, I'm afraid I'll have that dream again…

I'm gonna ask her again tomorrow, I need to know the truth.

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I arrived to the Jeffersonian early the next morning, tired from only a couple of hours sleep. To my disappointment, Angela was already there. I thought I'd get some time alone with Bones, some time to really talk…

I walked up to the platform, she glared at me, obviously already knew what I was there for. Before I could talk she opened her mouth, I closed mine. Angela stopped working and stared at us.

"Don't even start Booth, there is _nothing_ wrong!"

"Bones, I had that dream again…" I suddenly realized I never told her about the dreams. She gave me a confused, but irritated look.

"What dream?"

I sighed. My eyes darted around, trying to focus at something. I couldn't tell her about the dream; what if it was nothing more than a dream, I'd die of embarrassment.

"Listen Booth, I have to work, I can't talk about this now, you should go."

I wasn't sure, but I thought there was something in her eyes, was it worry? Fear? I didn't move, just stood there staring at her while I felt the fear slowly rise inside of me. I was right, please god no, don't let me be right…

Suddenly Brennan yelled my name, I looked down, I hadn't heard a word of what she'd said.

"Sorry… what did you say?"

She sighed. "Get out Booth."

She sounded cold, but her eyes looked sad as she grabbed my arm and lead me away. I stopped her, looked her in the eye.

"Please don't hide this from me, I know it's more than a dream, I can see it in your eyes."

For a moment it looked like she was about to talk, but I was mistaken.

"I don't want to be nosy, but what the hell is going on here?" Angela.

Both I and Brennan turned to look at the artist. She sighed deeply, I followed her example.

"Nothing, Booth was just leaving," Brennan gave me one last look, then she walked back to her bones and ignored me. I sighed a second time, giving Angela a sheepish grin.

"Hey, tell me?" Angela demanded.

"Alright." maybe she'd believe me. I started to talk. I don't know why I'm not letting this go, hell I don't even remember where I got this crazy idea from, I've been dreaming the same for weeks now, maybe even months, I've lost track of time. From the beginning I ignored it, but as the feeling grew stronger, I couldn't ignore it anymore. I am sure something is terribly wrong with Brennan, and I'm not giving up until she gives in and tells me. I've never been surer about anything in my entire life.

"I'll ask her, but I'm sure there's nothing Booth."

I nodded, feeling stupid. "Thanks, I should… uh… go, talk to you later okay…" I turned to leave.

"Hey Booth, it's really cute that you worry about Brennan, that proves something!" with that she left me standing there, staring.

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There's been two days since I spoke to her. We haven't had a case and I just couldn't bring myself to visit her again, I had no idea of what to say to her. I couldn't keep on nagging, if she didn't want to tell me, there's nothing I could do…

It was late, I sat in my sofa lazily watching TV when there was a soft knock on my door. I got up, walked to open. To my surprise it was Brennan.

"Can I come in?" she asked.

"Yeah… of course Bones," I let her in, for a moment I just stood there watching her as she walked to sit down in my sofa. There was something about her manner that made me feel afraid.

Back at the sofa, I sat down next to her, still watching.

"You were right," she suddenly said after a long silence.

"Right? You mean… Bones…" My voice trailed off. "What's wrong?" I only managed a whisper as I felt the fear get a cold grip around my heart.

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_TBC_


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

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I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what she was about to say. I didn't want my dream to be true, Angela had said there was nothing to worry about, it couldn't be… I desperately tried to deny what Bones had just said. I was right… I didn't want to be…

"I'm sick…" I knew she wasn't talking about a cold.

I waited.

There was a long painful silence. Finally she spoke.

"I have cancer… I'm going to Europe, for treatment, there's a clinic in Germany where they've started a new method… they don't know if it's better than what we have here in the US but I want to try it…" Another silence. "Booth, I can't be sure I'll get back… ever…"

I just stared at her, too shocked to speak. "When do you leave?" I finally managed

"Tomorrow."

"But that's… how long have you known about this?"

She hesitated. "About three months, but I've had it for more than a year…" she spoke in a low voice.

"And when were you planning on telling me?" I suddenly felt angry.

"I did now…"

"That's only because I already sensed that there was something wrong in the first place, what about Angela? When are you going to tell her? Don't you think she deserves to know the truth? She's your best friend Bones!"

She looked down at her lap, sighed.

"I don't want people to pity me… that don't help… I'll die anyway and I wanted to work as long as I could…. Booth, I wanted to tell you, all of you, about a million of times, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I didn't want you too look at me differently…"

Something snapped inside of me. I got up on my feet. "This is no longer about you only Temperance," I almost screamed. "And don't say you'll die, you don't know that, you can't possibly know that!"

"Booth, please… stop yelling, Booth!"

I tried to calm down, tried to see it her way. I felt like I could start crying at any time. This was just more than I can bear. I knew something wasn't right, but still the news shocked me more than I possibly could have been prepared for.

"How did you know?" Brennan.

"What?"

"That something was wrong…"

"I just knew." Whisper.

She nodded; I sat down next to her.

"It's not enough time…" I mumbled.

Brennan gave me a confused look.

"There's so much I… uh…wanted to tell you, but you'll leave tomorrow… that's…just too soon…"

"Yeah… I'm sorry Booth."

She sounded so sad I wanted to hug her. "Hey, you'll be back, you're strong enough to fight this," I tried to cheer her up, but I'm afraid it didn't work that well.

Brennan shook her head. A few tears escaped her eyes. She looked at me. "I don't think so, I want to believe that everything will work out, but I'm afraid that when I leave DC tomorrow, it'll be the last time I…" her voice trailed off. "I'll never get back, I've stopped hoping a long time ago…" tears were rolling down her face now.

Silently I took her in my arms and held her tight to me. I didn't want this to be true. It's too tragic to be true. But as I felt Bones tremble and as I heard her cry, I couldn't deny the truth. I wasn't angry anymore, but I wished she could have told me earlier. She shouldn't have had to go through this alone…

Brennan was first to pull away. She looked at me with red rimmed eyes. "I should go, I have to tell Ange…"

I nodded silently.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

She shook her head. "But thanks."

Without saying anything she got up and walked to the door. I followed.

"So I guess this is goodbye…" Brennan spoke in a low voice, as if she was afraid her voice would fail her if she spoke louder.

"No."

"Booth…"

"I'll take you to the airport tomorrow, whether you like it or not."

Brennan smiled a tiny smile. "Alright," she told me when to pick her up, and then she left me standing there...

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_TBC_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

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I couldn't sleep that night, but still it passed all too quickly. I never wanted this morning to come, I didn't want to say goodbye.

But now I was standing there, a million of people were running in a million of different directions and destinations. I've been here before, but today Dulles international was the last place on earth I wanted to be at. Brennan's plane would leave in only half an hour. Angela was crying as she was talking. I knew Bones was crushed, but she tried to keep that to herself as she was saying goodbye to her best friend. I watched them sadly from there I was standing. There were a million of people at the airport, but I didn't see any of them, the only person I cared about right now was Bones, and she would leave, maybe never to come back.

"Booth… Seeley?"

I was brought back from my thoughts. Seeley? It must be the first time she's called me by my first name.

"I have to go," she whispered. "Don't visit me, never… I want you and Angela to remember me as I am now… please…"

I only managed to nod.

"Bones…"

"Yes?"

"You're gonna be alright, you'll get home again and we'll all wait for you… hey, you're not alone, remember that…" I felt weird telling her that, but as much as I doubted the fact that I'd ever get to see her again, I wanted her to believe it. She couldn't lose hope…

Brennan nodded, blinking away tears.

"Thanks."

Suddenly Brennan moved closer, before I could think, she kissed me on my mouth, automatically I kissed her back. I don't know why she did it, I just know this is a dream come true. And with that, I knew I have to say something. If I let this go, if I let her go without telling her how much she means to me, I may never get the chance to…

Brennan pulled back, she looked up at me, "I'm sorry about that… there's just something I've wanted to do a long time…"

"I wish you had…" I said, feeling miserable. Brennan smiled a small sad smile.

"Bones…" I paused, thinking. "Temperance…" I took her hands in mine. "I love you…" the words only came out as a whisper, but I knew she heard me.

Brennan was struggling to hold back tears. The saying 'better late than never' suddenly got a whole new meaning and she was sure she would never get the chance to know how a life with Booth would feel. She loved him too, she'd loved him as long as she could remember, but now it was too late…

"Booth… you can't…" she started but I interrupted her, knowing exactly what she'd say.

"Yes I can, I love you I can't help it, and I won't stop…"

She looked at me with her big eyes all watery. I couldn't stand seeing her so sad. I put my arms around her kissing her again. I was surprised to feel her respond without hesitation. But something told me that she didn't care about that now. And the sad thing was, she didn't care because she thought she'd never live to see me again… the thought of that broke my heart.

We both pulled away for air, looking into each others eyes. It was time for her to go, but none of us wanted to let go.

"Will you look after Angela for me?" Brennan.

I nodded. "Yeah…"

"I have to go…" she stated the obvious.

"Yeah," I repeated. "Hey, go get better now and come home soon, I'm waiting for you Bones."

Brennan swallowed hard, looking up at me. She didn't need to say it, the look in her eyes said it all, - _'I'm never coming back'_. I wanted to believe she would, I refused to say goodbye forever, that was more than I could take.

For the last time, I took her in my arms. Brennan wrapped her arms around me as if her life depended on it. I tightened my embrace, never wanting to let go. We stood like that for a long time. Her head pressed against my chest, her tears making a wet spot on my shirt.

"I'll think of you every day…" I whispered. "In fact… every second…" I swallowed, trying to pull myself together. "I don't want to say goodbye Bones…" a few tears escaped my eyes.

"Seeley," she didn't move. "Thank you for everything… I'll never forget you…" Brennan slowly pulled away. When she looked up at me again, as I saw the look in her eyes, I could feel my heart breaking. I forced myself to be strong.

I took her hand.

"Goodbye Seeley," she took a few steps back, our hands still linked as she moved away.

"By Tempe…" I could hardly say the words. I felt her hand leave mine as she turned and walked away. I watched her until she disappeared into the crowd.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. Slowly I turned my head and looked at Angela. She gave me an understanding look, it wasn't until then I realized I was crying.

"This is not the end, I refuse to think so, she'll come back… Right?" Angela.

"She has to…" I doubted she would, but I would never stop praying…

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_TBC_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four.**

_Authors Note: I couldn't say it before, it would have ruined the story, but here it is – __**Warning: Character's Death.**_

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Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and I didn't hear anything from Brennan. I didn't even know if she was still alive. I respected her wish though, I never visited her, even though I wanted to take the next plane to Germany about a million of times. I desperately wanted to see her again, but at the same time I was afraid of what I would see…

Angela hasn't been the same since Bones left, she always seemed sad. I guess she's saying the same about me… no words can describe how much I miss her, my Bones…

Eleven months later all my fears came true. It was Angela who broke the news. She was the closest to a relative Brennan had and also the person who got to know about her best friends medical state before anyone else did.

Brennan hadn't been responding to her treatment and she'd quickly become worse. Bones was dead. I couldn't believe it; I didn't want to believe it. Even though I had doubted she'd come back to DC I never stopped hoping. Now all my dreams and prayers came crashing down on me. I'll never see her again, never hear her laugh, never see her smile at me; everything was over, this time for real. I told her I love her, I just wish I had told her earlier. Then at least we'd got a few years of happiness together. But now it's too late, I'll never get to know how it would feel to have her in my life, to be more than just partners.

She'd not told anyone about her disease until it was too late. I knew Bones preferred to keep things to herself, she had suffered in silence. But I'd known, I don't know why, but I could feel her pain long before she told me.

As I sat in my darkened living room, every thought that crossed my mind was about her. The memories of out last goodbye would haunt me forever, how could I possibly forget?

My eyes drifted to the letter on the table. I picked it up; it must have been the tenth time today that I read it. It's from Brennan, she must have written it when she knew the hope was gone… why didn't she call me? I should have been there with her; Angela should have been there… Bones shouldn't have had died alone, without the people who cared about her there with her. Oh if I only could have been there…

I started to read.

"_Booth,_

_I'm sorry I never contacted you; I guess I didn't want you to see me like this. I want you to remember the way I was, all the good times we've had together. I want you to be happy… I know you said you love me, Booth knowing that is what kept me from breaking, thank you. I never said it back, but I know you knew, I love you too, now it's too late, I wish we could have had a chance to be together as a coupe…, can you believe I'm telling you this? _

_When you're reading this, I'm dead, you have to promise me to take care of Angela, she promised she'd look after you… _

_I hope you can forgive me for not telling you any of this earlier, I wanted to tell you about my disease a thousand of times, but I couldn't. I didn't want you to think that I was all fragile all of the sudden; I never wanted you to try to keep me from doing my job. But Booth… sorry, Seeley, I never meant to hurt you, to shut you out of my life._

_Despite the circumstances, I want you to know that I don't regret going away, I thought it would make a difference, but the treatment failed. When we parted at the airport, I already had a feeling that it was the last time I saw you and Angela. I can't explain it, but I knew that when the plane took off, I'd never live to see Washington again, that's why I didn't want you to hope too much, you'd only be disappointed… _

_Leaving you there must have been one of the hardest things I've done in my life, it broke my heart to see you so sad, and Angela, I'll never forget how miserable she looked. Well, obviously I can't remember anything now, dead people can't, sorry… you believe, I don't…_

_Oh Seeley, I miss you so much right now, I'm thinking of you all the time…_

_You know I don't believe in heaven, but when I'm writing this I can't help but hope that your belief it right, that one day I'll see you again… in heaven…_

_I'll be waiting…_

_Love, Temperance"_

I don't remember crying since I was a teen, but when I put Bones' letter back on the table; tears were silently running down my cheeks.

This was her final goodbye. I don't even want to imagine what she'd thought, what she'd felt when she'd written this, all alone, no one there who cared about her, no I can't stand the thought of that…

It's not much of a comfort, but at least I know she doesn't have to suffer anymore. Brennan's had so much pain in her life, the loss of her parents, her brother, no luck with her love life, she was not good with people at all, but that was what made her so cute, so special. She didn't deserve this, she should have had a chance to be happy for once, I know I would have done anything that I could to give her everything that she wanted, to make her as happy as she made me. Now things would never be the same again…

They say life goes on, but I don't know if I can, I don't even know if I want to go on without her…

I don't care about the fact that she wasn't a believer, I believe in god, and I believe in heaven, and I also believe that one day we'll be together again. I just have to wait… you know, some things in life are worth waiting for – even if it means waiting forever…

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_**THE END**_

_Authors Note: I said it would be sad, hope I didn't disappoint you too much by killing Brennan, I had to for the purpose of the story… hope you liked it anyways! _

_Oh and thank you, everyone, for the reviews!_

_/Miss P_


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